so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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