you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
