yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
