You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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