haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
