Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
