we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
