last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
