she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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