Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
