Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
