I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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