Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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