I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
