his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
