if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
