I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
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There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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