i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
