i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
