I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
