Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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