I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
