Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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