Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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