it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The ass gains better be worth it
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