I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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