Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
