I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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