3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
