It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
