My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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