May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
