piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
