Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she smelled like a LAN party
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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