the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
