Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
