Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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