She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
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I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.