You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
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i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What's dad's email?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"