so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day