and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.