woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one