no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?