just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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