A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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