Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
