I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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