Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
