that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
