her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
