i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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