maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
