doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
