i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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