i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
