Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
