I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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