he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
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I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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