She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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