Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
