she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
