It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
