We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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