his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
