We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
