I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
