You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
