You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
