I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
40s are totally the cure
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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