you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
