my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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