i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
