So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize