If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
