I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
