I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Someone signed my nipple.
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