Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
