It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
