i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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