it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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