FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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