Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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