why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Panties = found
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