You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
