OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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