The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hippo gnu deer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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