I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
