My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize