shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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